Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Mick goes to visit Paddy and finds him building a brick wall in his living room.

    “Bejesus Paddy!” Said Mick. “What the **** is going on?”

    “It’s because of the snow,” replied Paddy.

    “But what’s snow got to do with you building a brick wall in your living room?” asked Mick.

    “I’m working from home,” said Paddy.
     
    Connor, Mar 1, 2018
    #101
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  2. leebrilleaux

    leebrilleaux Well-Known Member

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    Saw a bloke in tarn the other day - he had a fried egg on his head.
    I sez to him: 'excuse do you know you have a fried egg on your head'
    He replied: 'yes I know......boiled ones just roll off'
     
    leebrilleaux, Mar 1, 2018
    #102
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  3. Mr Badger

    Mr Badger Well-Known Member

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    A pork pie and a sandwich go into a pub and ask to see the menu.
    The landlord said "Sorry, but we don't serve food."
     
    Mr Badger, Mar 1, 2018
    #103
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  4. Mr Badger

    Mr Badger Well-Known Member

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    Girl goes to the doctors feeling dizzy.
    Doctor says "Big breaths..."
    Girl replies, "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen."
     
    Mr Badger, Mar 1, 2018
    #104
  5. Mr Badger

    Mr Badger Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
     
    Mr Badger, Mar 1, 2018
    #105
  6. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    So I rang the new Chinese restaurant and asked:
    "Do you do takeaways?"
    "Yes"
    "What's 45 takeaway 12?"
     
    Connor, Mar 2, 2018
    #106
  7. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Went to doctors n e ses yuv got VD

    I ses no chance I’d like a second opinion
    He says ok your an ugly **** as well
     
    Marlon, Mar 2, 2018
    #107
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  8. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I was given a birthday card once. It said "How many EFFs are there in "PRESENT"?" I opened it up and it said "That's right! NO EFF IN PRESENT!"
     
    Connor, Mar 2, 2018
    #108
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  9. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    I was watching porn last night when my mum walked in

    Not the best way to find out she'd got a new job
     
    SuperTyke, Mar 2, 2018
    #109
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  10. tingleytyke

    tingleytyke Well-Known Member

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    Middlesbrough 3 Leeds 0
     
    tingleytyke, Mar 2, 2018
    #110
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  11. Jul

    Julian Broddle's Perm Well-Known Member

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    My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30am this morning. Half past bleedin two in the morning!!!
    Fortunately, I was still up, anyway, playing my bagpipes.
     
    Julian Broddle's Perm, Mar 2, 2018
    #111
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  12. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris & Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland.
    Barman says “not yew tree again”
     
    SuperTyke, Mar 2, 2018
    #112
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  13. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    Funniest one all night
     
    TonyTyke, Mar 2, 2018
    #113
  14. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    A new reverend, Father Tagliatelle, has taken residence at Carlton CE Church. He's our new local pasta.......
     
    Metatarsal, Mar 2, 2018
    #114
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  15. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?
     
    TonyTyke, Mar 2, 2018
    #115
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  16. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    Boy tells his parents he just had sex for the first time...

    His dad's pleased - "I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to wait until next pay day" he says.

    Boy replies, "That's alright Dad, my arse is too sore to ride it right now anyway!"
     
    Bossman, Mar 3, 2018
    #116
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  17. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    A man with a stutter has died in prison before he finished his sentence
     
    Connor, Mar 3, 2018
    #117
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  18. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    I was in bed last night pulling my boxers off when my girlfriend walked in and said please don't do that to the dogs!
     
    SuperTyke, Mar 3, 2018
    #118
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  19. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I'm just making dinner and got some herb in my eye , I'm now Parsley sighted
     
    Connor, Mar 3, 2018
    #119
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  20. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    I was late to work at the circus once and they sacked me.

    I'm suing for funfair dismissal
     
    SuperTyke, Mar 3, 2018
    #120
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