10th day of quarantine Wife: do you want something to eat? Husband: what are the choices? Wife: YES OR F***ING NO!
During the quarantine my wife has taken up gardening. She won’t tell me what she’s planning on planting, but I’m really excited. It’s going to be something big, she’s dug a big square hole for it that must be 7 feet long and 6 feet deep. She says I’ll find out soon what is going in it
So, I've been so bored today that I've swapped all the spice jar labels around!! My wife doesn't know yet! But the thyme is cumin.
Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and a Welshman serving in the army are captured by the Taliban. The overlord says you're all going to be shot but I'll grant you one last request as is our custom. Welshman says, "I'd like a thousand Welshmen singing "Land of my Fathers"" Scotsman says, "I'd like a thousand Scotsmen playing " Flower of Scotland" on the bagpipes" Irishman says, " I'd like a thousand Irish dancers doing the Riverdance" Overlord says to the Englishman, " What's your last request?" Englishman says, " F*****g shoot me first"
Just made curry for tea and our lass went barmy at me for putting ginger in it....the kids loved that cat