Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Lor

    Lordtyke Well-Known Member

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    Due to self isolation in the last 2 weeks I've finished 5 books.

    Believe me that's a lot of colouring
     
    Lordtyke, Apr 11, 2020
    #1341
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  2. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    One from the Tony Blackburn joke book this morning:

    How does a plumber finish with him girl?

    "It's all over Flo"
     
    Didcot Red, Apr 11, 2020
    #1342
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  3. BarnsleyReds

    BarnsleyReds Well-Known Member

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    What’s the difference between a catholic priest and acne?

    Acne waits until you’re 13 before coming on your face.
     
    BarnsleyReds, Apr 12, 2020
    #1343
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  4. Redstone

    Redstone Well-Known Member

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    I was trying to think of a joke to put on here this morning but couldn't. My wife suggested I start writing a book instead.

    I said "that's a novel idea"
     
    Redstone, Apr 12, 2020
    #1344
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  5. pompey_red

    pompey_red Well-Known Member

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    In these difficult times a story to inspire you to reach for your dreams and never give up.

    My mates missus came a close 2nd in the 1997 Miss Barnsley competition...

    Later that year she was beset by a long period of bad luck...

    She suffered years of drug and alcohol abuse hanging around peel street bogs wasn’t nice and a series of eating disorders didn’t help...

    She lost a leg due to an infection and needed facial reconstructive surgery after a road traffic accident...

    Later she suffered 80% burns in a factory fire...

    Several of her teeth were knocked out and an eye gouged out in a fight outside Wellington street kebab shop...

    The stress caused severe hair loss and facial warts but she never stopped believing

    And then finally, last month....

    She was crowned Miss Sheffield 2020

    Never give up on your dreams.
     
    pompey_red, Apr 13, 2020
    #1345
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  6. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Read it art. Ar lass said “ez tha gorra picture.” :)
     
    Hooky feller, Apr 13, 2020
    #1346
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  7. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    37983F1F-A640-4D11-A839-4FE0F32B14A8.jpeg
     
    Connor, Apr 13, 2020
    #1347
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  8. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
    Then they call me ugly and poor.
     
    Hooky feller, Apr 13, 2020
    #1348
    sadbrewer, Cowboy and Connor like this.
  9. Redstone

    Redstone Well-Known Member

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    A man goes into a pet shop and asks for a dozen bees. The assistant counts out 13 bees.
    "That's one too many says the customer"
    The assistant replies "it's a freebie"
     
    Redstone, Apr 13, 2020
    #1349
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  10. kestyke

    kestyke Well-Known Member

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    kestyke, Apr 13, 2020
    #1350
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  11. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

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    So that’s where all the bog rolls went!!!
     
    Austiniho, Apr 13, 2020
    #1351
  12. leebrilleaux

    leebrilleaux Well-Known Member

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    English Lesson at school - Syllables
    Miss: Could anyone give a word that has 2 syllables?
    Jenny: Mat-ter mis
    Miss: Well done Jenny - can anyone tell me a word with 3 syllables?
    Jenny: Care-ful-ly miss
    Miss: Correct Jenny clever girl Jenny well done Can any one give me a word with 4 syllables

    The class goes quiet for a few secs before...

    Jenny: Mass-ter-bay-shun
    Miss : (going bright red before she says, trying to deflect attention) gosh Jenny that was a bit of a mouthful
    Jenny: (as quick as a flash says) Miss I think you're confusing that with blowjob Miss
     
    leebrilleaux, Apr 13, 2020
    #1352
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  13. kir

    kirkhamtyke Well-Known Member

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    Corrie tonight, scriptwriter was taking the piss.

    Norris was reminiscing how much he enjoyed 'polishing his helmet'
    Ken likes to 'slip in a few lengths ' in the afternoon.
    Oliver spends all day playing with his joystick.
     
    kirkhamtyke, Apr 13, 2020
    #1353
  14. Redstone

    Redstone Well-Known Member

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    I once took the p out of a Pirate.

    It made him very angry.
     
    Redstone, Apr 14, 2020
    #1354
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  15. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    If you decide to make a face mask out of a bra. Only use the left cup.
    Else you'll look a right tit.
     
    Hooky feller, Apr 14, 2020
    #1355
  16. kestyke

    kestyke Well-Known Member

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    kestyke, Apr 15, 2020
    #1356
  17. Redstone

    Redstone Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't sleep last night so I started reading the dictionary.
    By 4am I was past caring.
     
    Redstone, Apr 15, 2020
    #1357
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  18. Burgundy Red

    Burgundy Red Well-Known Member

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    Burgundy Red, Apr 15, 2020
    #1358
  19. Burgundy Red

    Burgundy Red Well-Known Member

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    Burgundy Red, Apr 15, 2020
    #1359
  20. Burgundy Red

    Burgundy Red Well-Known Member

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    Burgundy Red, Apr 15, 2020
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