New Walsall manager

Cut to . . .

. . . Slough. Two men, one large and gawky the other mouselike and intent but both with undistinguished noses, sit in a nondescript office, hunched over a PC. The detritus of a hard morning trawling the web lays strewn about the cheap desk. A broken coat rack in the corner wears a soiled mac and trilby like some tawdry flasher.

The mouse clicks, frequent but frustrated up until now, suddenly become more frantic as the pages of Aftonbladet start to reveal murky information from the past of their mysterious quarry.

"I think we've got it, Dave", says the diminutive figure, his eyes flitting about the screen like a butterfly before coming to rest on the word "Västerås". "But what do those funny letters mean?"

"Dunno, let's just ignore them and hope nobody notices." grunts his lanky accomplice, his monstrous hands already scratching the words "began his managerial career with Swedish club Vateras" in a spidery scrawl across his tattered notebook.

TO BE CONTINUED . . .

 

RE: Apparently

Ive been there several times as we have a major european centre there. The whole town is almost owned by ABB. I always remember flying back once, the airport was so small a girl had to unlock the airport doors to let me in for an early morning flight. The same girl checked me in, sold me duty free and handled the flight boarding.

 

Genius

You should write a crap but really descriptive book about stuff.

I must admit though, I was hoping for some kind of hat.

The butterfly bit was quality though, sounded a bit like a pre-operative EI Addio.

 

I fly through there quite often

I like it - it's a nice little airport and there's some lovely scenery on the coach into Stockholm. And you'll never get lost!

 

Your wish is my command

You're right, it was definitely missing a hat. Added one now.

 

RE: Your wish is my command

blimey that is good. Your imagination is better then I'd credited you for. Blimey, a coat rack taking on it's own personality.

It's like an episode of Lost now. Does the coat rack get possessed and that?

 

That would be telling

I've got the serialisation rights to think of.

 

RE: That would be telling

good point.

I'm going to series link it.

 

RE: Cut to . . .

I'm sorry, I can't find myself empathising with the main characters - their 'undistinguished noses', say nothing to me about my life. Not like the writing of Hemingway or Forsyth, now they knew how to write a good nose; bulbous, twitching, effused with port, a nose that has seen life, sniffed the smells of Finnish sea ports, wrinkled at the perfume of Turkish gaolers, cocked a snook at Swiss customs officers and kept in place a pair of Raybans just long enough to fire of a final burst of 20mm that downed a Nazi Messerschmidt. They were noses you could admire, nose you could look upto, noses you wanted to be, they were noses of distinction.

 

RE: Cut to . . .

I think you're being too critical now Rosco. It's been done before.

Now a possessed coat rack, that's quality of Chucky proportions or teenwolf.

 

Noses of distinction

I was going more for the flawed anti-hero, with Ballardesque excess of simile. But perhaps you're right, maybe there is room for a nose of distinction. I think I'll write one in for part two, possibly sported by a gnarled old sub-editor who's been around the block a bit and knows his umlauts from his elbow.

 

RE: Noses of distinction

Is he a pipe smoker? I love pipe smokers, if a books got one in then its a winner for me.

 

Stick that in your pipe

I think we can take it as read that an experienced journalistic professional of such standing would of course smoke a pipe and if it ups my readership from 1 to 2 then it makes commercial as well as artistic sense. I was thinking perhaps an Irish name, possibly O'Shaughnessy.

 

RE: Stick that in your pipe

This bloke O'Shaughnessy.

Is he a werewolf?

 

RE: Stick that in your pipe (warning - contains spoilers)

No, he's not. But he does have a lot of facial hair and there's an ever-present suspicion that there is something of the night about him, exacerbated by the late hours he works.

 

RE: Stick that in your pipe (warning - contains spoilers)

does he 'howl with laughter' at odd moments, like when the moon is full. Just to keep up the suspense.

 

Like it!

Subtlety is key with this character.

I think once he gets hold of the guys' copy then one of them is going to be summonsed to the office at midnight by O'Shaughnessy and then go missing. The other one decides to investigate the mysterious runic symbols and try to crack the code (this sells well, I'm told).

 

oooh a code excellent

May I suggest that it doesn't involve fractions or percentages. I don't want Paul D reading ahead and ruining for me with probabilities and the like.

I think supergirl should be in it somewhere as well, only up to date with a shorter skirt and a mobile phone.

 

Don't worry

Just the runes, or "letters" as the sinister "Scandinavians" call them.

I think supergirl is out, I'm afraid. I don't want to lean too far towards the whole "New Adventures of Superman" thing or I could end up in court or, even worse, on ABC.

 

RE: Stick that in your pipe

I'm not liking O''Shaughnessy, I just keep picturing a leprachaun. How about McTavish, or Mac to his close friends (all of whom smoke pipes). He could have a moustache that he twiddles when deep in thought.