O/T Single again now.

Sorry your going through this btw.

If you've agreed money, and it's in text, then don't ever give cash... X/fer so it's clear on a bank statement (and use that reference field to note what it's for, ie "upkeep/George" or summat)

What's more, lean on this site for support.

 

Been there and no easy but there is light at the end of the tunnel but you just can’t see it yet.

 

Ok. Going to leave the emotions to one side, but make yourself aware of the facts and as others have said, only use written communication to sort out the issues.

Firstly, use the CSA calculator to work out what you should be paying. Not what she wants or what guilt feels you should give her. Remember this is also dependent on the nights you have custody, so you need to propose a schedule in writing. A 50/50 split would see you paying less maintenance than a 20/80 split. https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Second, remember you need somewhere to live with sufficient room for your kid to stay over. This can be a single bedroom flat with you on a sofa bed when he stays over, but you need somewhere long-term and rentals are expensive. This must be accounted for - along with council tax, utility bills, food and commuting costs. Don't end up homeless or stuck at your parents because you volunteered to give her a fortune for the next 15 years out of guilt. Your situations will change too - what happens if you are made redundant, either of you remarry, she gets a higher paid job, or something worse happens to one of you.

Thirdly. Where you married? All marital assets go into the pot. This includes the house, the car, any pensions, any savings, but also any debts - although you would need to prove that they were taken out before the split. The split usually benefits the mother, but if she can't afford the mortgage by herself she won't be able to keep the house and you will be entitled to a share of any profits (but also liable for a share of any outstanding amount after the mortgage is paid off).

Check out the MoneySavingExpert or Reddit legalAdviceUK forums for the full legal picture (others are available). You don't need an expensive solicitor. IIRC you can start divorce proceedings by yourself for about £600. There are plenty on those forums that can give you good advice on the legal and financial side of things if you ask any questions you have.

I'd also get a trusted mate you trust to keep a calm head - better still a couple - and read through all the online advice, etc. with them to work it out with a clear head. Emotions will cost you both money and the only winners are the solicitors.

 

Sorry to hear that pal.

 

Sorry to hear that. It will be tough for a while, I'm sure everything feels extremely raw. Been there.
I can promise you things get better with time.

 

Sorry to hear this, listen to advice and try not to bottle things up.

 

All the best mate, break ups aren't always easy at the best of times, I'd imagine it's a thousand times worse when there's a kid involved. Stay sensible and reasonable, for George's sake.

 

Look at your employee benefits page at work as likely you'll be entitled to get some free legal advice over and beyond the usual 30 mins etc

 

Keep ya head up fella. Don't lower yourself to her level with games.

 

Least wembley trip wont cost as much.. joking aside sorry to hear that. Chin up keep posting wondered where you had gone you seemed to go quiet for abit.

 

Sorry to hear abart your status, i dont know the story, but i'd like to wish you all the best, stay strong

 

Sent you a pm ,give us a shout I maybe of help.

 

Steve don't wash your dirty linen in public.
Keep strong though.

 

All the best Steve been there and it was bad and our 'kids' were Adults.Time IS a healer and however bad you are feeling think of yourself and George. Listen to ANY advice on here because it's genuine and people will try and help you, chin UP.

 

I'm so sorry to hear of this, Stephen, my old friend. Sadly, I can't offer up any words of comfort, as I've no experience of this sort of situation.
However, I can and do wish you well for both your immediate and long-term future, mate.
Kev

 

Cheers mate. Thanks to everyone else for their kind words too.

 

There is nothing more detestable a woman can do to a man than stop him seeing his kids (unless abuse, drug use etc then understandable, and yes I understand it can happen vise versa, but historically its heavily favoured to one gender). Its getting slowly better, but for years and years holding dads seeing their kids to ransom is fking horrible and I hate it with a passion.

Keep your head up mate.

 

Absolutely with bells , well said .

 

Stephen - she doesn't know anyone who reads this board does she? If things are going to go horrible/legal in the way that it sounds they could, then please just make sure you don't say anything on here that could end up being used against you, no matter how unjust it all is (and it sounds pretty fuucking unjust).

 

Great advice .
Well said .
Please listen Steve it makes sense.