Pengiun walks in to a bar...

A dual carriageway walks in to a bar...

Saying, "Look at me - two lanes in each direction. Hardest road in this town by a mile, me. Anybody want to try their luck? No? Thought not."

Then suddenly a motorway walks in and says, "I hear dual carriageway's been in making with his mouth saying he's the hardest road in town. I don't fvckin' think so. Three lanes each way, me, pal!"

So motorway and dual carriageway square up and are posturing for a couple of minutes when a thin strip of red tarmac walks in and suddenly motorway and dual carriageway dive under a table. The bit of red tarmac orders a pint, steadily drinks it and departs, upon which the other two emerge from under the table sighing with relief.

The barman turns to them and laughs, "What's going on? Surely you're not scared of him! What happened to three lanes in each direction?! He's a right skinny little runt!"

"Well," said motorway, "he might not look like much..."

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"But I'm telling you - he's a bleedin' cyclepath!"

Yeah I know. I'll get me coat.

 

A bird walks in to a bar

the barman says 'I'm can't serve you, you're out of your tree!'

 

a font walks into a bar

barman says get out, we dont serve your type in here.</p>



I know, I know. I've ordered myself a taxi, it wont be long</p>

 

A Welsh guy walks in to a bar

The barman says 'Are you gonna shear that sheep?'

The Welsh guy replies 'I'm not shearing her with anyone, she is mine and I love her!'

 

Jesus walks into a bar

gets three nails ouf of his pocke and says to the barman 'can you put me up for the night?'</p>

 

I'm gonna tell Mel Gibson you said that!

You've had it now.

 

A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his trousers

The barman says, 'Doesn't that steering wheel bother you?'

The man says, 'It bl**dy does, it's driving me nuts!'

 

A piece of string walks in to a bar...

&quot;can I have a pint of bitter?&quot; he asks</p>

Barman replies &quot;sorry, but we dont serve pieces of string, would you please leave&quot;</p>

The string walks out gutted but determined to get a beer and its the only pub for miles.</p>

&quot;I know, I'll disguise myself he thinks&quot; so he ties himself up into a a bow &quot;he'll never recognise me now&quot; he thinks and returns to the bar.</p>

&quot;can I have a pint of bitter?&quot; he asks</p>

The barman takes a long look at him and asks &quot;Arn't you the piece of string I threw out earlier today?&quot;</p>

&quot;No, In a fraid knot&quot; he replies</p>

 

Utah walked into a bar

and said, &quot;Can I have a pint of beer, please?&quot;

The landlord said, &quot;I'm sorry mate. I can't serve you.  Not in that state.&quot;

TAXI!

 

A grizzly bear walks into a bar

&quot;I'd like a pint of beer.........................................and a bag of beef crisps, please.&quot;

&quot;Sure&quot;, said the barman, &quot;but what's with the big pause?&quot;

 

RE: Man walks into a bar

Man walks into a bar;
OUCH!

 

Wayne walks into a bar...

and buys a round.

 

RE: Wayne walks into a bar...



Thats not a joke, I always buy rounds!!























With other peoples money

 

RE: A piece of tarmac walks in to a bar...

with his mate, who is another piece of tarmac with a red stripe down one side. His mate throws a wobbler for no reason, smashing glasses and throwing tables. The barman says "I'm not serving you - you're a cyclepath"....................

 

Now that IS funny.

 

Old MacDonald was a dyslexic, a-j-f-p-q.

 

A brain walks in to a bar...

and asks for a pint of beer, the barman says
"I'm not serving you, you're already out of your head"
ff

 

Bingley, I thought you were in charge of spelling

Do you mean compliment? Although you do complement him in so far as the arguments would be a bit one-sided without you.

 

A neutron walks into a bar.....

....barman gives him a pint and says, &quot;No charge.&quot;</p>