Please please everyone who knows any Leeds jokes can you add it to this thread

Three football fans in a pub. One of them sees a twenty pound note in the fish tank. The landlord tells them that anyone who gets it out before the piranha eats their hand gets to keep it. The Washday fan puts his hand in and the piranha bites off two of his fingers. The second, who's a Pikey, waits until the fish looks the other way and then puts his hand in, he pulls it out with his left hand missing. The Leeds fan puts his hand in and pulls out the twenty. The landlord ask how he managed it and Leeds fan shows him his hand where tattooed across his knuckles is" LEEDS UNITED STAYING UP". The landlord says " I UNDERSTAND NOW, NOT EVEN A F*****G PIRANHA WILL SWALLOW THAT LOAD OF ****"

 

Denis Wise was getting worried that all his players were rubbish, so he phoned up a decent manager to ask for advice. Alex Ferguson explained that he got all the Manure players to dribble round cones, thus improving their close ball control. He suggested Denis try this. Two weeks later, Fergie rang back to see how the they were coping with the new system. When he answered the phone, though, Wise was still annoyed. "Didn't my suggestion work?" asked Alex.

"Flaming cones beat us 3-0" muttered Wise.

 

What have the Championship and a laptop got in common?

No Leeds

 

Leeds United have set up a call centre for distraught fans who need counselling

The number is 0800 10 10 10.

Free for UK users, calls charged at peak rate for overseas users.

Once again the number is

0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

 

Simon Davey's on his summer hols in Scarboro

three lasses from Tarn spot himand go over for his autograph,
the first asks him to sign on her arm which Simon duly does,
the second pulls down her top and asks him to sign her right breast, again she sports his autograph in big red print,
the first drops her knickers and asks Simon to sign
























Sorry says Simon,
ONLY DENNIS WISE SIGNS cnutS

 

hey, Auntie Angie didn't know you used language like that...

...go and sit on the naughty chair !!!!!

 

hasnt the filter worked

were your family from Staircross (is it)?

 

RE: hasnt the filter worked

do you mean Staincross or Stairfoot ? in which case no !!

 

RE: hasnt the filter worked

do you mean Staincross or Stairfoot ? in which case no !!

 

Well come on then how you getting on?

Feedback please can't wait still can't stop laughing

 

I think half of my colleagues have blocked my emails!!!! nt

 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Hope all the research was worth it.

Judging by the number of views of the thread (over 7000 so far) lots of people have had a reyt laugh!

 

RE: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

 

Posted similar earlier

All flights have been grounded at Leeds/Bradford airport amid fears that a plane could go down.

 

there might be one or two you've missed here!

http://www.comeonboro.com/specials/180016.htm

 

Ive just had to give a police statement

apparently a former champions league semi final side has gone missing. Police dont know where to start looking has the have lost all Leeds.

 

Q: How can you tell when Leeds are losing? A: It's five past three. nt

 

Q) What does a Leeds United fan do after Leeds have beaten Barnsley ?
A) Turns off his playstation !

 

An American Tourist

over to watch Leeds United is lost in the city centre he asks a passer by where Elland Road is, passer by replies about a mile down this road, turn left, then your first right, round that corner you should see a massive queue don't go in that queue its for the chippy you want the next one.

 

Nearly 10000 views now, what's the BBS record?

Probably a lot more but it's not bad going.