Sensible advice needed.

Chortle.

Seriously though, don't let this consume your thoughts, just remember why he is marrying you. A lap dance is just that, and importantly the men are not allowed to touch or the bouncers (no pun intended) intervene so all it would gave been was a bit of a laugh and nothing more.

 

'The least sexy, most soulless thing ever.'

That just about sums it up. I had my first and only lap-dance at DV8 in Leeds many moons ago, on a works sesh, after several hours of two for one heavy drinking in Break for the Border. It was the first lap-dance club I'd ever been in, and me and a mate had spent about 15 minutes talking to one of the girls about her Uni course, desperately trying not to look at her salient points, and naively thinking she'd eventually leave us be if we small-talked long enough. Worked the other way however, so when she asked me if I wanted a dance, I sort of felt obliged to say yes as we'd been taking up so much of her time.

It was excruciating though. I wasn't a kid by any stretch and I'd seen my fair share of naked fillies by that age, but I genuinely didn't know where to look (or what to do with my hands - think I sat on them at one point! - laughing just thinking about it now), and I pretty much just shuffled about in my seat feeling embarrassed throughout. On the plus side the girl also found my reaction funny. Been in a few other 'gentlemen's' clubs since then, but only for a beer!

 

I am actually Jamdrop's fiance's best mate.

thanks Jay, good advice, as ever.

 

As long as he had washed his hands before he got home...

Stripper tuppys are bit fragrant...

 

So that's where Hemsy has been recently, on his stag do!

 

am guessing that other than jamdrop all the opinions on here are male opinions, wonder if the female board members agree with "its only a lap dance" theory

 

We chipped in to give a mate a lap-dance a few years back and he was as embarrassed as hell. We paid her extra to smack his arse with a leather belt. His missus wasn't happy with the weals on his bum but that was nothing compared to the look on his face. The lap dancer was as fit as a butcher's dog as well so she doesn't have to be a dog for him to be embarrassed. Just think of him sat there blushing whilst his mates are laughing at him.

 

Its simple to get over this. Once the honeymoon is over, you just need to learn to give a better lapdance than the one he had. As well as sorting out the housework, running errands and all the other things that we leave to our better halves while we relax and watch Match of the Day...


Just please nobody tell the wife I suggested that!

 

To be honest I think I already do give better ones - dancing is one thing I'll win at every time! And it's more likely to be me watching Match of the Day, I just can't get him into football at all.

 

I can just see it this Saturday night

Your hubby-to-be doing his best John Travolta impersonation for you and you telling him "Get out of the way, love. They'll be showing the goals from our 3-0 win over Wigan in a minute"!!

 

Re: I can just see it this Saturday night

Sounds perfect (well, the second bit anyway).

 

Sexy dancer and love BFC. I've changed my mind now; what he did was unforgivable so get him dumped and give me a call

 

I know it's not easy, but try to put it out of your mind as it meant nothing. And it's not as if she'd have known all the right moves and triggers to drive him crazy is it? The poor guy could have suffocated being smothered in that ample bosom or even deafened with them thudding around his ears. All self you women...

 

Forget it and move on, just like the dancer will have? It means absolutely nothing to them apart from another tenner tucked into her G-string. Your husband won't remember it much either if he got a good send off, of he's marrying you I can't see it meaning all that much to him.

 

He doesn't like football? Are you sure you're not marrying a quare?

 

I feel loads better now Nah, it's alright, it was just that first night/next day when he'd just told me. He's out on another stag do tonight though with work as him and a colleague are both getting married around the same time. (I've got one in a fortnight too with my work - I'm not sure why they both insisted on having separate work ones as the majority went to our proper one anyway).

 

Isn't that one of Liverpool's banned words? I do wonder at times... I really do. This lap dance was almost a relief!